Making our house a home

So, these last few weeks i have been organizing our home, cleaning up our things and settling in. Ivon is going to be school this fall and i want to make our house a home because we anticipate being here for quite some time. Maybe the next four years, before we decide where we want to live permanently, and where God is going to take us.

I grew up moving every year, something i grew accustom to and started to do myself. I call it the "unsettled spirit" and to be quite honest, i really dont like it. I can never make it "ours." So after many open discussions we have agreed to make this home until Ivon is done school, which potentially could be in five years. It scares me, it really does. In the last year alone we moved 3 times. Its normal for us now. But, i dont want it to be normal for our children. I want them to call this home and to make memories and a life here. I remember being that child always moving, and as exciting as it was, it was really not easy. It made me painfully shy (something i still deal with today) and i never felt settled.

So, i have been cleaning out closets, putting matching hangers into our closet, bringing stuff to the MCC, and writing a list (a very long one lol) of all the things i want for our home. We have agreed that every pay day we would purchase something for the house. As little as kitchen utensils and as big as a new TV ( we hope to have that before baby comes). Its really quite exciting actually. We got matching hangers for our closet and new face cloths (that match) for our bathroom. Through this all i am also learning patience. Not all of these things are going to come at once, but we will appreciate all that does come when its here:)

The joy of children...

I have been so anxious these last few days. Realizing that 10 weeks is far away, but really..its not. I am in the last stretch..the third trimester, and i cant wait to meet her. She is such an active baby, doesnt stop moving. Has some lazy days, but those are far and few between.

I was watching Rylen play yesterday, giggling to himself in the livingroom and i thought to myself..."i cant wait till there is two of them." I know its going to be alot of work, but all the joy that Rylen brings to our lives out weighs the work for sure. He has been such a different boy lately, so happy and so well-behaved. Im scared he is going to wake up changed, but he keeps getting better. He most definetly isnt an angel but he is so silly and so funny. He makes me laugh all the time. Everyday for the last two weeks he has learnt a new word, yesterday was "bath" and today was "car." I just love watching him learn and explore, its so neat to see the world through their eyes.

Alot of people ask us about potty-training and moving him to a "big boy bed." but honestly, im just not ready. I think potty-training might come first but im not in a rush to have him grow up too quickly. We are teaching him and telling him that he is a "big boy" but he is still a child, and sometimes we forget that he isnt even 2 yet. He is so smart, and so very stubborn like the both of us, and when he is good and ready to do something he will do it. We can teach him repeatedly but its when his timing is good for him that he will accomplish the task at hand. I do love that about him though, he isnt a mimick, he wont say or do everything you tell him to, he does it when he wants, and some situations in life that is a great character trait. It will surprise me greatly if he grows up to be a "follower." I totally think he is going to be a leader. A sensitive leader, but he will be a leader.

Oh the joy and blessing of children. God is good. What a privelage it is to raise children.

A different kind of Valentines Day

So...we had today all planned out. Or, so it seemed. We were going to get cleaning and errands done in the morning and then we were going to our best friends foster son's birthday. Okay, none of that really happened, at least not the way it should have. We both didn't sleep well at all. Something i have really been struggling with for the last few weeks. Rylen woke up too early this morning (5:30) and my lovely hubby let me sleep in till 8. They were both tired when i woke up. We got a call to go for breakfast with Ivons mom and step dad. So, we joined them. This is when my back really started to hurt. I don't have the regular back pain that comes with any pregnancy, i have this beautiful little girl pinching my sciatic nerve. It is at times, excruciatingly painful. I fought through the pain during breakfast, came home, layed Rylen down. Did a little cleaning while Ivon napped. I took some Tylenol (i have to in order to survive) and then i fell asleep on the couch. The boys woke up, Ivon just left me sleeping and they snuck off to Dames party. I was a little upset when i woke up because i was looking forward to going, and then i realized, this is Ivon telling me he loves me. To allow me to rest and take care of me. I never do. I don't like putting myself first, and its not that it bothers me, but my body screams at me to take it easy. And, so i did. They were gone most of the afternoon. I got supper started before they came home, and by this time i could actually move. Rylen got me a really sweet card, and ivon got me beautiful body spray and a nice card. We weren't about doing gifts this year. We are still wanting to buy a big screen TV and get the baby's room complete before she comes. I used to be so materialistic when it came to Valentines day, and God really changed my heart. I didn't want to be that way anymore, and i wasn't one bit disappointed. We made an amazing supper and then played a board game. I took a long hot bath, and now..were off to bed..yes at 9:30pm..were hoping tomorrow we can actually wake up feeling rested. That will be such a nice change:)

Support and Strength

Today was a really good day. I have no complaints. Every Friday we are doing out premarital class with our pastor that married us and today unfortunately was cancelled. That was a bummer. We both really look forward to that every week, and for the next two weeks we wont be attending either. My parents had already made there way out here to watch Rylen for us, so they just stayed the day anyway. I had a chiropractor appointment this morning, and i just love going because it usually means that relief is on the way. I didn't experience that today, it was rather painful instead, but we finally were able to figure out what the problem was. So, when u can figure out what the problem is you can usually figure out a solution. Following that we went to the mcc and looked around. We often do that, once a week for sure, there are some great finds there if you can catch them. We headed home, i made stew in the slow cooker and then had lunch with my parents. Oh, my lovely parents. My mom has this amazing way about her when she comes that i just love. Being her child, i am still first in her eyes, and it makes me feel good. She basically just takes over with Rylen and allows me to rest. My husband is also amazing in that sense. I am blessed. I need to really remind myself of this more often, because more often than not i am neglecting to open my eyes to the things i already have in my life.
I was able to take a nap today, and my mom helped me make supper and then my dad cleaned up supper. It was lovely. I am lucky. Having support like that makes things so much easier. I am really looking forward to having my husband here for the long weekend. We are dedicating this weekend to spending time together, and quality time with Rylen. Makes it a little more special because it is valentines day weekend, and I'm a hopeless romantic:)
I am thanking God for such a nice day. For all that He surrounds me with, and for the gift of love in my life. Thank you.

Just an ordinary day....

Today we didn't do much...but sometimes that's a good thing. I wasn't able to take a nap today and it affected the outcome of the entire day. My blood pressure has been all over the place, high, low and anywhere else it wants to be and it really affects my mood and energy levels. I am praying (literally) that tomorrow will be a better day. I am trying very hard to stay positive. I know that in a couple of months my life is about to change drastically, but I'm really excited about that. Very excited about that. I am constantly reminded to hold on to the wonderful blessings i have already been given, and i do, maybe not as much as i should, but when your not feeling well its hard to focus on joy. This weekend is going to be fun. We have lots planned, and have scheduled in some rest time as well, and that will be nice. Ivon is off this weekend for the long weekend, and its going to be quite the treat to be able to go to bed together every night. Not something that happens very often. Its getting harder and harder for me to stay up and wait for him, but soon this pretty little girl wont give me a choice:)
I got started today on a few little projects for her room, and i loved every minute of it and just want to keep going, but I'm lacking a few things and need to wait till tomorrow to get them. Cant wait!!
Rylen and i had some craft time today and we made a valentines day card for daddy. We arent done yet, need to add some coloring and sparkles, but we had fun together..well..i had fun making the card and he had fun playing with all of my scrapbooking stuff.

My baby is growing up....

I decided that i wanted to re-organize today. I love to organize and have everything "just-so" and my son totally takes after me in that sense, maybe its because i take things too seriously sometimes and he witnesses things but he is often in the cupboards stacking things and placing things, and his sippy cup has to be on his tray in the perfect place, but i love that about him. Makes him unique and maybe one day his wife will thank me (or despise me) for it.

As is was downstairs going through things, i was also getting things ready for our daughter. Pulling out the basinette, seperating all the infant clothes, etc. And i found myself reflecting on how big our son is already. He has grown so much, and even in this last week, has changed durastically. He has learnt a ton of new words. He waves and says bye-bye every time he leaves my sight and blows me a kiss. He just spends all day talking and playing, and in the midst of doing of the dishes and keeping up with laundry i find myself neglecting to really enjoy these moments with him. I would have to say my absolute favorite is when i am in the kitchen and he comes up and hugs my leg and kisses me for no reason. It is such an act of love, and Ivon and I often talk about how sweet and affectionate he is and how we hope he never changes his character. Always willing to give love, even at his young age. Dont get me wrong, im making him sound like the perfect child, he has a temper, and just recently started hitting us every time he gets angry. I turn my head and giggle to myself because he is so serious, but were finding ourselves crouching down explaining to him that its not nice. His feelings get hurt and then he crys. I am going to make sure that tomorrow, i really treasure him....

Trying to embrace the blessing

I am 29 weeks along and i am finding myself getting somewhat impatient. I am very excited to meet our daughter and complete our family, i think this will be it for having children.

I have been so exhausted these last two weeks that i can barely make it through the day. I am so thankful and so blessed to have such an amazing husband. I want to do everything on my own, and most of the time im too proud to ask for help. I dont want him to see me as a failure. I know in my heart he wont but that is the issue i need to overcome.

I started getting anxiety attacks again. The same thing i had with Rylen, but thankfully these came later and i can sense them coming on. There isnt anything that i can do to prevent them, but as far as treatment goes i am going to ask my doctor tomorrow if he subscribe me a mild dose of medication for them.

Pregnancy is hard on me, physically and emotionally. I feel as though i sound so ungrateful, but that is the furtherst thing i am trying to get across. I am so very, very grateful, and i do try everything to embrace this season of my life but it doesnt come easy. I wonder sometimes if this is satans hold on me, to prevent me from enjoying this time in my life. I know its almost nearing the end, only 11 more weeks until we get to meet our baby girl! That keeps me motivated!!!

I often find myself in her nursery, just adoring her tiny little clothes and the car seat waiting to take her home in! We are starting on her nursery next week. I have so much heart and soul i want to put in there, and i know that if i continue to focus on that as my project it will go by faster!

I am asking for prayer, as a woman and a mother, to help me be patient and to accept and embrace this time in my life with joy and patience.

Our baby girl!

So, my dream ever since i was a little girl and as far back as i can remember was to have a daughter. On tuesday we found out that this dream is going to be coming true...were having a little girl! I really wasnt expecting that at all! I was completely prepared for another boy and looking forward to giving rylen a little brother, and then to find out that this little brother was now going to be a little sister was such an incredible feeling!!! I cant explain how excited i was. I cried and then thanked God repeatedly for once again, being so amazing! Its wonderful to relate to her as a person, not as "baby." We originally wanted to keep it a surprise but, the suspense was killing me and i wanted to be prepared emotionally and i wanted to prepare Rylen as much as possible. He said "sister" for the first time today and it was so sweet. I am convinced he doesnt know the meaning but i think his sweet, affectionate personality will welcome her with open arms. I have already started shopping and its way too much fun! I think other than finding out with Ivon, telling my mom was the most incredible thing. She was and is still so very excited!

I cannot wait to meet her!! Thank you God!!

Our God is an awesome God!

I feel blessed today, and felt as though i should share it. I sometimes stop and take a real look at my life and realize how amazing God is. Its so easy to take Him and His love for granted, and then in times of pain to run and He is always there, but then in times of joy we seem to forget. Atleast i do anyway. I am trying to work on running to Him with every detail of my life, and slowly its beginning to get better.

I was married once before, do i regret it? Not at all. I feel like at that time in my life it was meant to be, and that it was going to last. It wasnt until i realized that we both weren't ourselves with eachother anymore. There is more to this story of course, a little too personal to share, but I left. It was the hardest thing i have ever had to do in my life, but since when is standing up for yourself easy? He was a great man, but not a great man for me.

I lost myself, dated someone who completely took all my dignity away, and all that i had become. I was vulnerable and allowed him to control my life, but constantly God kept sending in people to disengage this relationship and i was too proud to walk away. Eventually, he left. I suffered through pain, allowing myself to believe i was "in love" with him. And then God added to this story and.....a long came Ivon.

Ivon and I went to the same school together. We shared some mutual friends but there was never anything there except a little "hello." I never thought twice about dating him or even being friends. Not that i didnt like him but he was a little older than me and at the time i had a friend who was interested in him.

We met again years later, shortly after i had my heart broken and i remember that night like it was yesterday and constantly reminisce about it. God became real for the first time in my life. We were at the K.R. Barkman park, talking with a mutual friend. I was so broken, and in so much pain, and as i talked and listened, and cried shamefully, I was sitting on the picnic table and God said "he is the one." and i was so confused..and aked Him.."what do you mean, i dont understand?" Clearly and without hesitation He said, "He is the one i have chosen for you." Wow...powerful!! I just had my heartbroken and God is here to tell me this! I was excited to hear it but in too much pain to respond. It started off with a friendship, and then we dated, shortly there after we were engaged, and 2 years and 1 beautiful child later we were married.

Our wedding pictures were taken in that same park, and its so wonderful to have heard God say that that night because everytime i feel as if i want to give up or become frustrated in my marriage i am reminded of that night and God's clear words. "He is the one i have chosen for you." and that is more than enough to keep me going, that God was in the midst of our love story:)

My little man Rylen

Our bonding never came naturally. I dreamnt of those moments that my child would be born and there would be immediate love, but that wasnt the case with us.

It started off with a pregnancy that wasnt what we would call welcomed with open arms by everyone, and then an 80 lb weight gain, followed by a traumatic birth. It wasnt the greatest start to our life together, but we found the strength in God to keep going and everyday we rely on God to help continue our bond. I am finally starting to experience those real feelings of love that i had desired so much, and its an incredible feeling. I never told alot of people about my experience or the fact that i suffered sever post-partum depression, but i am no longer ashamed of it, so i share it now because its brought us to this point.

God is sooo good!

My life currently.....

I am currently 28 weeks pregnant with our second blessing. I am a mother of one son, Rylen and i am happily married to my husband Ivon.
Blogging is new to me and while my active, 2o month old son takes a nap i figured now would be the time to try. I really enjoy journaling and writing so i thought i would fit the description perfectly!!
Today i feel extremly tired and while i sit here eating an apple and enjoy the tiny movements of feet in my ribs i am thinking of napping, but i wont go because i am not very good at napping during the day. So, i will enjoy the peace and quiet instead